What a disappointment.

The best thing about this movie is, sadly, the costumes.

I wanted to love it. I really did. I think the casting was wonderful. Scarlett Johansson as Mary, Natalie Portman as Anne, and Eric Bana as Henry were all perfectly cast. David Mossissey as Norfolk was wonderfully wicked. No problems there.

But the movie was strangely … flat. I guess when you compress a six-hundred page book into a two hour movie, some of the characterization and subplots will be lost, but, really, this was ridiculous. I never got to know any of the main characters and, worse, never saw the romance develop between Mary and Henry or Mary and Stafford. The pivotal character of Boleyn brother George was all but lost, as was Mary’s first husband, William Carey, who disappears a few minutes into the movie and is never referenced again. Did he die? Was he abducted? Beheaded? Moviegoers who didn’t read the book will never know.

And this whole dramatic license thing—I understand it. I really do. Timelines speed up with movies, events are rearranged a little and other things are skipped altogether.

Fine.

That’s not what happened here. So many things are changed from the book—for no apparent reason that I can detect—that it just makes you want to scream. And a pivotal scene between Henry and Anne was changed so dramatically and idiotically that I wanted to hurl what was left of my popcorn at the screen.

So if you’re going to see this movie and you’re a big fan of the book, be forewarned. It’s a pretty movie and the costumes are stunning jewels. The movie itself? Not so much.