What a disappointment.

The best thing about this movie is, sadly, the costumes.

I wanted to love it. I really did. I think the casting was wonderful. Scarlett Johansson as Mary, Natalie Portman as Anne, and Eric Bana as Henry were all perfectly cast. David Mossissey as Norfolk was wonderfully wicked. No problems there.

But the movie was strangely … flat. I guess when you compress a six-hundred page book into a two hour movie, some of the characterization and subplots will be lost, but, really, this was ridiculous. I never got to know any of the main characters and, worse, never saw the romance develop between Mary and Henry or Mary and Stafford. The pivotal character of Boleyn brother George was all but lost, as was Mary’s first husband, William Carey, who disappears a few minutes into the movie and is never referenced again. Did he die? Was he abducted? Beheaded? Moviegoers who didn’t read the book will never know.

And this whole dramatic license thing—I understand it. I really do. Timelines speed up with movies, events are rearranged a little and other things are skipped altogether.

Fine.

That’s not what happened here. So many things are changed from the book—for no apparent reason that I can detect—that it just makes you want to scream. And a pivotal scene between Henry and Anne was changed so dramatically and idiotically that I wanted to hurl what was left of my popcorn at the screen.

So if you’re going to see this movie and you’re a big fan of the book, be forewarned. It’s a pretty movie and the costumes are stunning jewels. The movie itself? Not so much.

This holiday weekend, I took my kids and a gaggle of nieces and cousins to see Enchanted, the new Disney movie wherein the heroine, Giselle, is forced out of her animated world by the prince’s evil stepmother. Once in the real, live-action world, plucky Giselle makes her way using all those Disney princess-ly talents, including making her own clothes, care giving, and generally cheering people up. While trying to sort out her situation, she meets cynical divorce lawyer Robert Philip, played by Dr. McDreamy himself, Patrick Dempsey, and his adorable daughter. Much soul-searching and hilarity ensue.

I’ve periodically complained about all the horrible children’s movies I’ve been forced to endure over the years (Barnyard, anyone?), but this movie more than makes up for that. It’s the delightful, charming story of a saccharine-sweet, yet loveable heroine who learns and grows when the going gets tough. Not since, hmm, let me think … yeah, not since 1991’s Beauty and the Beast have I enjoyed a Disney feature this much.

One of the best things about this movie, aside from Amy Adams’ spot-on performance as a wide-eyed, sweet-voiced, painfully naïve princess-to-be, is the way this movie pokes fun at all the Disney conventions, including those singing, cleaning animals, bursting into song for no apparent reason, the evil-stepmother with her poison apples, the dragon, and the one-dimensional prince.

The kids all loved this movie, and I did too.

Two thumbs up. Or, uh … five stars. Or whatever my top rating is.

Don’t miss it.

I don’t know about you, but I just love it when Denzel Washington plays bad guys. I didn’t think he could ever top his performance as a corrupt cop in 2001’s Training Day, but he comes awfully close with his portrayal of real life 1970’s Harlem drug kingpin Frank Lucas.

You may have heard about Lucas. He’s the guy who built an empire based on the purity of his heroin, which he christened with the brand name Blue Magic. He was also the guy who handed out Thanksgiving turkeys to crowds on the street like a benevolent czar feeding his serfs, even as he committed violence of all types and sold the product that ruined and/or ended countless lives.

Washington plays Lucas as an understated, dignified man who thought of himself as a businessman first and foremost. Watching the movie, you almost want to applaud the man’s brilliance as he thinks outside the box and builds his empire, but then you remember.

This guy was no hero.

Another great Oscar winner, Russell Crowe, who turned in a stellar performance a couple of months ago in 3:10 to Yuma, is back as Richie Roberts, the incorruptible cop who identifies, hunts, and eventually nails Lucas. Crowe does his usual phenomenal job, and the few scenes the actors have together really crackle with electricity.

One caveat: the movie is pretty long, so you may want to pack a lunch or get the extra large popcorn.

You don’t want to miss this one. And wait’ll you get a load of Washington in the chinchilla coat and hat ensemble that was the beginning of Lucas’s downfall.

Normally I’m not all that big on Westerns, but this one belongs up there with biggies like High Noon, Unforgiven and The Treasure of the Sierra Madre.

Yuma’s storyline is simple: beleaguered rancher (Christian Bale) tries to take captured stage coach robber/all-around bad guy (Russell Crow) down the road a ways to put him on the 3:10 prison train to Yuma so he can be jailed and hanged, thereby earning himself the money he needs to save his ranch.

Sounds simple, right?

It’s not.

This story is filled with plot twist after plot twist, a ticking clock, which is always great for suspense and, best of all, fascinating, complex characters. Bale’s rancher, tired of being a loser, tries to find a backbone. His hotheaded teenaged son, played by talented newcomer Logan Lerman, has his own agenda.

As for Crowe’s villain, well … let’s just say I see another Oscar nomination in Crowe’s future. Not since Anthony Hopkins played Hannibal Lecter, or Denzel Washington played corrupt detective Alonzo Harris in Training Day, have I seen an actor infuse a bad guy with such gleeful malice.

This was, in short, a great, satisfying movie. If you see only one Western this year, or in the next five years, it should be this one.

School was canceled here this past Thursday and Friday on account of the heat wave and lack of air conditioning in many local schools. So, desperate for an activity to keep my children occupied that didn’t involve extended periods of time outside, I took them to see Daddy Day Camp.

This, it turns out, was not the brightest idea I ever had.

How bad was this movie? Let me count a few of the ways:

1. The overacting. Sure, Cuba overacted in Jerry Maguire, too, but that was funny. This was just painful.
2. The lame premise. Daddy and his best friend buy a day camp without researching it enough to know that it has liens and other problems too numerous to list. As a former lawyer, this kind of too-stupid-to-live stuff just drives me insane.
3. The potty humor. I know it’s a movie for kids, but don’t they know that kids enjoy jokes that don’t have to do with bodily functions?

Cuba, Cuba, Cuba … Is it the Oscar jinx? Is that it? You’re way too good for this kind of thing!

Taking a deep, calming breath …

Ah, well. The bottom line is, the kids enjoyed it, and it got us out of the house for a couple hours. Oh, and I managed a nice nap in the dark, air-conditioned theater.

You might want to skip this one.

I’m just saying.

Yeah, I know it’s gotten glowing reviews, and it is true that the Pixar animation is spectacular. Truly. The sweeping views of Paris, the rats’ fur, the characters’ hair—all of it’s amazing, and hard to remember at times that it’s all computer generated.

But the story, well … it’s not great.

I couldn’t get over the story premise of a rat cooking gourmet food and using a human chef’s hair to manipulate him like a puppet. Rats in the kitchen? Bleh! Plus the movie isn’t very funny or charming like, say, Toy Story or Monsters, Inc. In fact, Ratatouille is oddly dark and flat—so much so that at times it was hard to remember it’s a kid’s movie.

I didn’t like The Incredibles, either, so maybe it’s just that I’m not wild about the new generation of Pixar films.

Ah, well. The popcorn was good.

Today I’m blogging about FF2 over at Muse, News. Stop by and say hi.

Casino Royale

I watched Casino Royale the other day, and I’m feeling very proud of myself. It’s not my first James Bond movie, of course, but it’s the first one that I’ve:

1. Paid attention to for the whole 2 hours; and
2. Understood (more or less.)

Yeah, yeah, I get the whole suave-tuxedo-wearing thing, the M thing, the fancy car thing, and the gadget thing. What I never quite get is the plot, nor the romantic entanglements, such as they are. This time I got it—and liked it. Why? I’ll give you three words:

Craig. Daniel Craig.

He’s a great Bond, blond though he is, and his blue-eyed, moody intensity is perfect for the role. Let’s just say it wasn’t a struggle to watch him for a couple of hours.

Plus, for once, Bond falls in love, and that I can get.

Add a few chases, explosions, a high-stakes poker game, and the beautiful backdrop of Montenegro, and what you get is a great movie well worth watching. I highly recommend it.